Issue Three... Ramifications...

Things happen… sometimes you have too much to drink, sometimes you get married, and in both cases Fate kicks you in the face for it. It’s never pleasant to dwell on the affects of an excess of something wonderful (such as Irish Cream) and even if dwelling on the affects of something unpleasant (like marriage) is natural, it is far from enjoyable. But this discussion does seek to delve ALL of the different facets of the complex differences between Alcohol and Marriage, even the more sorted ones. So we reach the subject of ramifications.

It is hard to drink TOO MUCH Irish Cream. It is, after all, very rich, creamy, and beige. If it helps, think of the other drinks we all enjoy, like whiskey, or perhaps vodka. These generally are accepted has having a little more hoopswaw in their amway. However, whatever your flair of choice, it is possible to hit the bottom of the cup three or four times too many. When that happens, ramifications begin to set in. Ramifications that Bacchus gave his children included a morning of grogginess, a head that splits like cordwood, and the disturbing feeling that everything you drank last night is still there…. waiting… (if you happen to be less than fortunate, it will only wait for so long before coming out to play. While it is true that none of these aftermaths are overly enjoyable, they are easily dealt with. An easy way is to curl into the fetal position on your bed and moan for a few hours. Another easy solution is the Prairie Osiers. This wonderful concoction of lemon juice, soy sauce, and raw egg whites generally disgusts you so much that you forget about your hangover.

If only the ramifications of marriage were so easily handled. I present a picture worth more than ten thousand words…

As one can see, the ramification of excessive marriage (sometimes even non-excessive) is babies. Babies smell, are loud, demand constant attention and last for several years. These are all things I personally find detestable. While babies might be temporarily quieted via many different means, they always come roaring back with a passion that eclipses their original fury by many volumes. Moreover, I have often found the undesirable odor of babies and the excessive noise of babies to be related, giving them a very unhealthy two for one in many cases. The list other side effects of babies goes on, but I feel we have more than covered the ill-effects of Irish Cream excess.

In conclusion… excessive Irish Cream=Hangover… excessive Marriage=Babies… Was this really a contest?